Muggle Sarcasm and Rita Skeeter Don't Mix
by jessica499499
Summary: Some morning are easier than others. I can't say anymore with out giving it away! This is: Slash, Drarry, Harry/Draco and just plainly Yaoi! You don't like it too bad!


Harry Potter was not a morning person. So why he married one was beyond him. Draco seemed to rise with the sun without even trying. Harry found this as annoying as it was helpful. It was good to have someone in the morning who knew to just let him do his morning routine before trying to interact with him. This morning was no different as Harry went through his morning rituals.

1. Get up.

2. Put on robe.

3. Avoid Draco's evil Persian cat, Scythe.

4. Get the morning paper.

5. Get a cup of coffee.

6. Eat breakfast with Draco.

7. Prepare for work.

Things were going relatively well as far as Harry's mornings go. He hadn't stubbed his toe like he had yesterday when he got up, his robe was fresh from the wash, Scythe seemed to be napping next to the window, and he was on his way to get the paper.

They had the Daily Prophet sent by owl every morning and this one was no exception. Harry's name in the paper had lessened with time after his defeat of Voldemort, not showing up much at all since his surprise engagement and marriage to Draco. It wasn't till he'd kissed Draco good morning and drank his coffee that he noticed the headline on the top line of the paper.

**Harry Potter Plan to Take Over Ministry with Flying Monkeys!**

**By Rita Skeeter**

_Word has just reached the inner workings of the Ministry that the former Boy-Who-Lived, Harry Potter, has been secretly plotting to over throw the minister with the use of aerial primates! I, myself overheard Mr. Potter discussing his hopes of a future career with Mrs. Weasley-Granger that involved such a travesty to the powers of transfiguration! I then heard to my shock that Mrs. Weasley- Granger intends to lead in the revolt with an army of unknown creatures called Oompa Loompas! The scandal of it all! Will our former hero succeed in his attempts to over throw our beloved minister? When asked on the accusation Hermione Granger-Weasley along with several other muggle born wizards in the room burst into maniacal laughter! What has Mr. Potter promised the muggle born's of the world to make them follow him so willingly!? Will this lead to the extinction of Purebloods as You-Know-Who once plotted for muggle born's? What will happen to the __half-blood's? What is Harry's husband's role in this? What is an Oompa Loompa!? Where does Mr. Potter intend to get so many monkeys?! More news as the story develops! _

_Your favorite reporter, _

_Rita Skeeter! _

Harry spit out his morning coffee and started laughing so hard his husband started to fear for his sanity.

"Harry, Darling, are you alright? What's so funny?"

Harry was laughing too hard to answer his fretful husband and handed him the paper wordlessly.

Draco quickly scanned the article and gave his husband a quizzical look.

"Dearest, care to explain why the wizarding world thinks you're planning to rule the world with flying monkeys? With Granger no less? Am I not the person you would pick as your second in command?" Draco asked, pouting cutely.

His priorities always were a little out of whack.

Harry stifled another giggle before plopping down on to his chair devoid of any grace whatsoever.

"Of course Draco, do you honestly believe I would rule with anyone at my side, but you? Have some faith in me Love." Harry teased.

Draco grinned cheekily and began doodling on the papers cover.

"So any reason Rite Seeker seems to think you plan to over throw the minister again? Haven't heard that conspiracy in a while. You'd think she learn about bad mouth powerful wizards by now."

"Wizards?"

"Bad mouthing my husband is as bad as badmouthing me. You think I'd let anyone get away with that? Let alone Rita Skeeter? Have some faith in me too."

Harry rolled his eyes playfully and leaned over to kiss Draco's cheek.

"This case is an example of why purebloods should be more aware of the muggle world. You ever hear of Oz….?"

Before Harry could offer anymore of an explanation on the inside joke the floo in their living room roared to life. Harry's best friend Ron staggered out from the green flames, looking like he'd seen the bloody ghost of Christmas past.

"Harry! Is it true!? Why monkeys!? Why with wings!? How did you convince Mione to do something like this!? What is Oz?!"

Before Harry could help calm down his best friend Draco decided to have a little fun with the red head.

"Of course it's true, monkeys are easy to conger up, wings are easier to give them then venom, it was your wife's idea, and Oz is what we're going to rename the wizarding world."

Ron paled to a point that couldn't be healthy and passed out right on the floor of their living room.

Draco gave a proud smile at his mischief and went back to doodling on the paper.

Harry looked between his best friend and his husband for a long moment, torn between disapproval, amusement, and nervousness.

Finally he sat back down and began to nibble at his toast. Mumbling under his breath:

"This is the last time I use Muggle sarcasm in front of a Rita Skeeter."

* * *

If you didn't get this I'd question your sanity. I was going for something funny this time around. I hope you like it! Reviews = Love!

Yours truly,

Jessica499499


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